Why would I want to be the guy who commits to you for life?  I’d get to be the one who takes out the garbage.  The one who gets to listen to your whining.  I get to deal with your PMS.  I get to come to the rescue when you get a flat tire. 

Perhaps I should go on living like I am now.  To this very day old girlfriends who are currently married or committed contact me in one way or another.  Whether it be email or facebook? (effen facebook!) Every once in a while, completely out of the blue, some old girl contacts me to chat me up.  Of course it’s all supposed to be on the up and up.  No improprieties here.  Riiiight.  Only a couple have had the intestinal fortitude to admit the truth about their reason for contacting me.  They’re bored as hell!  They long for the bad boy to come back and sweep them off their feet.  They want to be taken to a bar, gotten drunk and then who knows.  They want to completely give up control and become lost in a fantasy world of my making.  And in all honesty, I have more respect for the ones who admit the truth and dispense with the BS.  I have a feeling that they are the ones who will find a resolution to their problem one way or another. The majority of them however, just pretend like they want to see how I’ve been and “catch up.”  They think that I can’t see how pathetic they are reaching blindly for some type of excitement to get them to feel alive again.

Fast forward to me in a relationship that has progressed for a few months and see the other side of the coin.  Complacency starts building and after a ho hum night of frozen pizza and a movie rental, what comes next is all too predictable. I see her wondering, gazing, and imagining herself taking this relationship to the next step.  She thinks back to when it was new.  She thinks back to when she went on some spontaneous date.  I sit there and ponder the old days.  I ponder the nights when the unknown was always just around the corner.  The excitement is intoxicating.

Go ahead and call me immature.  Tell me a thousand times that I haven’t met the right one.  You see, High School never ends and when John Cougar said that life goes on after the thrill is gone, I didn’t understand what he meant because I was too young, but now I do.  I see a lot more people get married out of sheer giving up.  The basic realization that they are dying is to strong to ignore.  Desperation sets in and there is no alternative.  You may deny that death’s distant gaze does not faze you. You can reassure yourself that you’re still viable and you very well may be.  However, you become weary.  Encumbered by baggage your legs fail you and you reach out for a shoulder to prop you up.  Ironically, for the majority all you’ll do is delay the fall of two who are hobbled.  Had you stayed by yourself would you have found the strength to find yourself?

So yeah, maybe I don’t want to be your husband.  Maybe I’m not going to acknowledge that I’m done. Maybe I take a turn for the worse and show you that excitement lies just around the corner.

The software and digital entertainment industry claim that piracy is a problem capable of destroying their business models. As a result they have pushed for legislation greatly expanding the definitions of piracy and allowing for the enforcement of anti piracy laws with stiff penalties. However, it seems that piracy continues regardless of the continuous efforts of the Recording and Motion Picture associations.

In an effort to determine what drives a hardcore digital pirate to commit these heinous crimes, I sought out a very prolific digital pirate for an interview and under the conditions of anonymity; he answered some of my questions.

1. Why do you pirate digital goods?

“Piracy is pretty much a hobby for me. Yeah, I could argue that it saves me money, but I probably would never have bought most of the stuff that I pirate anyways, so in essence, no harm, no foul.” There is also the part of me that says, screw those fat corporate pigs. They’re always trying to rip us off anyways. Companies are always putting out crap and overcharging for it. Then you have the Sony’s of the world. Not only are they putting out overpriced crap, they are also putting out software that damages its users.” But in the end, its pretty much just a hobby.

2. Do you realize that what you’re doing is wrong and amounts to stealing?

“Yes, and it’s actually part of the allure. It has a Robin Hood feel to it. Trust me, I won’t shed a tear for multinational companies. I think these big companies are a problem. They often operate in completely immoral ways and are obliged to by their stock holders. I see it like capitalism gone haywire.” For theses reasons, I actually feel good about what I’m doing. Yes, it is illegal, but from a moral standpoint, I feel completely justified.

3. Are you some kind of left wing activist?

“No, I’m not all that politically active, but the way I see it, any system gone to extremes is bad. Whether it’s right or left is irrelevant to me. Extremism is a no win situation, and the way I see corporations going around doing what they please by buying off politicians doesn’t sit well with me. It’s extremely corrupt.”

4. What will you do if you get sued?

“I have a pretty good feeling that I won’t get caught, so I haven’t even thought about it.”

5. If you could say something to a big music exec, what would it be?

“Well I certainly don’t feel like I can make fun of the guy. I mean these people are making more obscene amounts of money all the time. I don’t buy CD’s or DVD’s with copy protection, but it’s a drop in the bucket. They are making millions out of people who don’t know any better. So, I guess I really don’t want to say anything to him or her or it. I’ll go about my business and you go about yours.”

6. Do you think there is a solution to any of these problems that you see?

“Not really. Seems like there is no shortage of stupid people to keep the money machines rolling along. Contrary to what the companies say, piracy is a very small problem for them. As a matter of fact, I think they are actually making more money because of piracy. Settling law suits for a few thousand dollars a pop must be bringing in some hefty sums. I don’t have much faith in our justice system. So, it would take a popular movement to shut down RIAA extortion. I don’t see that happening. And if it does, it won’t be until things get even more outrageous. But I have hope. They are so greedy, that they might just take it too far. Far enough so that people finally say: “enough.”

7. So I get the impression that overall, you’re pretty pleased about being a pirate. Is this a fair assumption?

“Sure it is. Every time something new finishes downloading it’s like a little mini Christmas. I wake up in the morning and go over to my computer thinking, hmm let’s see what came it today. See, I have so much stuff coming in at one time, that I lose track. So when I go in to look at what is finished, it’s often a surprise. Yes, it’s quite fun.”

At this point, I thanked the pirate for his time and concluded the interview.

Then, the pirate interrupted me and wanted to add something. Here is what he said:

“Maybe I’ll sound like a grumpy old man, but whatever. Technology seems to be headed in the wrong direction. All this copyright, intellectual property, bullshit is just getting out of hand. The other day I heard that a company wants to patent seeds and make it illegal for anyone to plant them without paying them a royalty. I can’t tell you how this incensed me. Who the hell do these people think they are? I may not be around to see it, but one day, this whole house of cards will come down. I hope I’m there so I can laugh. I bet a lot of these pukes don’t think it could happen to them, but like I said before, if they continue to push things one day they may push too far and perhaps all these patents and copyrights won’t be worth a rat’s ass some day. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I think that people will get wise. Yeah, it may take years. Yes, things may need to get progressively worse. I think that one of the main things that need to happen is for corporate abuse to extend beyond technological areas. Once this happens many more people will become aware of what’s going on.”